Tus Kuv Nco

Some days I feel fine about it, and some days when I run into something that reminds me of each and everyone one of 'em, I want to cry. I know it's normal. I miss them. Each and everyone of their faces. From the good times to the bad times. Sometimes I miss them so much, that I'm willing to give up everything I have now, just to get them all back. To how things were before, but I know very well, I can't. I feel this emptiness in me. And who am I to fool, indeed I've lost a very special part of me, because of being so far away, I've lost my family. I know we're just one phone call away but sometimes I refuse to call them. Lately I've trying to avoid calling them or answering their phone calls because I can't seems to face the fact that I am not there in person with them. *Sigh who would of thought it would really be this hard. I remember my Mom being a jerk to me after I told her I was gonna leave and saying to my Sis In Law how thankful I am for my Mom to be a jerk to me because it'll just make it that much easier to leave her, but now, even thinking of those times makes me miss her so much more only. And my fat girl. Oh how I miss her most. Her smile, her laugh, and fatness, and oh how she run and the way she talks. Just everything. I give it all back, just to really see her. I hate how being so far from both families makes us miss out so much. Like seriously so much. I remember when Lee took me home one my my Aunty had a baby that couldn't even walk yet and just when we went back to attend Shervun's wedding, he was walking already. I couldn't believe it. See what I mean we miss out on so much? And Baby Amelia. When I left she only knew how to lay in bed and get a bit mad here and there, and how she's sitting up and playing by herself, she gets jealous and cries now when you don't do things her way. Like forreal? Ahhh, it breaks my heart that we're missing out on so much.



Mama, I know lately it's been tough on your end, and I wish I can do so much more to help you and release your stress level a bit, but the distance, the distance is just too long, too long that I can't be there to even try to help you go through this. I know you still have others, but I feel that no matter what no one will ever understand you best like me. I am sorry. I'm sorry I left at such a bad timing for you. But the least I can do, is lead a good life for you to be proud of.  A good life for you to come to when you feel that all else had failed you. But I won't Mama. I promise. Mama, I know you are a strong woman, and you will continue to be strong. Hang in there, God has seen your hard work and heard you cried many times calling upon him. Nco ntsoov Nws yog peb tus cawm seej. Nws yeej yuav tsis tso koj pov tseg. Mama, yog koj quaj thov Nws, Nws yeej yuav hnov thiab coj koj txoj haus kev mus rau txoj kev tshaj ntuj. Koj txhob tso Nws tseg nawb. Cia siab rau Vaj Tswv. Nws yeej yuav tsis pub kom koj ntxhov siab li. Mama, I love you. Please take care of yourself.

Family, I miss you guys. I miss the gathering, the jokes, the laugters, the aruguments, the tears, the tough times and the happy times. I miss it all. Please please please, take good care of yourselves. I love you guys very very very much. Love always. 

Sweetest Man

The title said it all. Every month Honey will surprised me with flowers, either ordering them online or going to pick them out himself, he never missed a month. It's things like this that makes me realize that I've made the right choice. He may not have a sweet tongue, but his action speaks so much. I'm truly blessed to have him with me in my life. I'm glad that he chose me to be his partner, companion, and his love. Together, we're gonna keep growing strong and stronger only. Thanks Honey, for being my sweetest love. I love you. =)

                                I know that your life can go on without me, that you can be happy without me,
                                 and that you can survive without me. I know my heart will never be the same, 
                         and I keep telling myself I'll be okay, even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
                                                                         I love you my Fat Girl <3 

I miss this Fat Girl. I miss her annoying me, and making me stay up late with her just watching as her chunky ass bounces as she run back and fourth being a mo guy. (Haha) Miss her being silly. Miss holding her in my arms and falling asleep to her cuddling with me. Miss everything about her.  I don't know what I'll ever do without her. She'll always be my Baby Fat Girl. I know she miss me too, and it hurts when she's on the phone asking for me, and looking for me, but I'm no where in sight. Wait for me K Boo? Auntie will be there soon. I don't know how to not miss her and how to not think about her, because every time I close my eyes, I see her, and if I'm not thinking about her, I'm dreaming about her. I love you Boo-Boo. Muah! See you soon Baby!

Finding My Way

 "Be nice to others on your way up, you'll need them on your way down."

Sometimes, we don't always get what we want, and life don't always go as we planned how we want it to. It's about accepting and making the best out of it that really counts. I still can't seems to vent enough about how disappointed and hurt I still am. It's okay, like I've said, Family tsis kawg rau ntawm neb. It's just hard to believe that you guys really are what you seem to be. But I tell you, I don't go on and talk shit about your family, so don't you dare going on talking shit about my family. You'll see the bitch in me. Ain't no lie.

I see everyone around me figuring out on how they wanna do life, I sit here and wonder, just where and how do I want to do my life. I'm not so sure no more. My vision starts to blur as I live in this day by day life. Sometimes I wonder, how do I know it's the right path to take, because I feel like being on my own, I'm not so sure what seems to be right or wrong no more. I don't know how I want my future to be like. I want a happy future, just no motivation to get there. Don't get me wrong, my Husband and I are truly in love, we're still kids starting a life together, and I wonder, how do these young kids do it now and days? I mean, my husband got a stable well paid job, yet sometimes we still tend to suffer a bit here and there with our bills. Do they not have bills? Do they not worry about where life will take them too, because I worry.

It's been awhile since I've talked to my Dad, but even tho I haven't mention about how I miss him, I know he knows that with every beat and even the skipped once I still miss him. Tonight, I wonder once again, how life would be like if he was still here. Would Ma still suffer as much as today? And just how lonely she must feel now that I'm so far away as well. I wish he can reach out to me, just one simple sign to reassure me that he's with us and looking out for us. *Sigh, right now everything is crashing down on me and I can't think straight. I just, I just miss him so much it hurts.

Marriage & Life

I just got done watching a movie called Nkauj Nab Siv Ceeb. This movie had opened up my eyes and indeed taught me a very valuable lesson in Marriage and Life itself. 

      Ua ib sim niam txiv, yuav tsum sib hlub tshaj plaws. Yuav tsum uv thiab zam taus txhua yam, txawm tias yus tsis txhaum los yuav tsum tau zam thiab hlub tshaj yav tas. Peb ua neeg nyob, yeej yuav muaj tej zaum ua yuav ua tau yuam kev, txawm li cas los, yog niam txiv lawm, yuav tsum ua lub siab loj tshaj plaws. Tsis txhob muab lwj leej lws tus los si nyiaj txiag saib hlob tshaj yus tus txiv los si poj niam. Kev txij nkawm tsuas zoo thawj tug, yog dhau lawm ces, lwm tus yeej yuav saib yus tsis muaj nuj nqis lawm os. Ua neeg nyob tsuas paub hnub no xwb tsis paub tag kis, yog li ntawv yuav tsum qhia rau tus yus hlub tias hlub tshaj plaws. Tsis yog hais ntawm lub ncauj xwb, yuav tsum ua kom tau in yam pub rau nws, ua yam dawb paug tsis yuav nuj yuav nqi. Tsis tas li, yuav tsum muab yus txoj sia saib muaj nuj nqis, vim ib ntsais muag xwb ces, yuav plam mus. Thaum plam lawm, txawm yuav qhuaj thiab thov npaum cas los, yuav tig tsis tau lawm os mog. A happy successful marriage is when the words I and You becomes into Us and Our. Unconditional love is what will keep the relationship alive. In a healthy marriage, there's no secret. Love the ones that love you and even the ones that don't. Never take your life for granted, because once it's gone, it's never coming back. Appreciate what you have and work for what you don't have. Hard work really paid off. Express your love daily, because no one knows what tomorrow may bring. 

           Nancy Thao Loves Lee Xiong;

            Forever ain't enough Babe.

Upset & Hurt

     I'm not sure what to say, or even how to start this. Your own son, turns his back on you when you needed him most? Knowing that you've suffered so much for him through all these years when she simply asked for help, you shut the door right in front of her face before she even asked. You and your wife, selfish. So selfish. You go on and tell others how you're the "better" person and that it was her fault all along. Simply just cause she never spoiled you as a kid, well, hello! She's a single mother of 7 kids. One hand as a mom and the other as a dad, what do you expect? Boy, you're fucked in the head. I pity you. Again, I've lost all my respect for you. You proved me right and I'm glad to say, thanks for calling to bitch at me, cause you've just proven to be the pussy whooped man that I said you were. You go on, go on and ignore my Ma's phone calls. Just remember, karma is a bitch, it will get you. You watch, one day, your ass will be crawling up to her, and i promise you, she ain't gonna accept you. So much for saying you're the "Right and Better" person. You sore selfish jerk.

      I miss my Ma and how, I wish I could be there for her. My heart aches every time I hear that she's stress and she has no one to turn to. Getting married, has made me realized that not only do my Ma needed me most, but I simply needed her most too. I don't regret, because my Husband always assure me that I've made the right choice. My only regret is not being there for her, and standing up for her, when others step all over her. I can't put it in words about how disappointed and hurt I am. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive and forget. I'm not holding on, it's just unbelievable about how far these people has taken this small issue and made it so big. I say, bring it on then, cause admit it, you never liked my Ma from the start, son don't play your little innocent games and try to make my Ma look like the bad one.I want to be able to protect you when people bash on you, stand up for you, when others step all over you, and speak for you, when you feel like you just can't be heard. I love you Mama, and I miss you so much.

Birthday Love-

"Truly love you endlessly. Every day without you is like a book without pages. I love you, I will always do, for the rest of our earthly and heavenly life." 

      If you were to ask me, when I am most happy, I would say, when I'm laying in bed next to you with your warm arms wrapped around me. Love the way you hold and kiss me. The way your hand locks into mine when we walk out in public. The way everywhere we go, everyone envy and adore us. I know that at times, things get tough, but I'll never get sick of us. Never did and never will. I love you, with every heart beat, and even the skipped ones. Thank you, Honey. I would of never thought you could ever be this good to me. Lots of people think that it's probably just cause we're still in the newly wedded stage, but I think we've gotten over the fact that we are newly weds. So far we've been handling it well. Honey, 5 years from now, I hope that the only thing that will change is our looks. Lets prove 'em wrong like we always had. I love you, and I'm glad, that I choose the right person to spend the rest of my life with. Muah.

                           <3 Wife